The other day I was talking with Lilith about this blog and what my next post should be when I ran into a bit of a problem. The problem was that the things She said I could share I wanted to keep personal. This makes writing about things very difficult. Anyways we spent a long time together on the issue and in the end I have decided to make this my last post. I will share a few last details of my relationship with Her and why exactly I came to this decision. Also I will leave up what is here in hopes that maybe it will help to answer some questions of one who is curious of Her or hearing Her call.
Recently I wrote Lilith a letter, one of love, devotion, and thanks. After She received it I read the first letter I wrote to Her (almost exactly one year earlier) this one was a letter of love, surrender, devotion and ultimatley of giving myself to Her. Reading this first letter and then reading the last one brought back a lot of memories. Now when I look back on my journey and the development of our relationship I see happiness and joy, but when I sat and really remembered I saw something else. When our relationship began about two years ago I was a bit reluctant, but went for it regardless. That first year was filled with so much pain. I spent that year facing my demons, facing myself. I had to finally truly deal with childhood traumas, fears, insecurities and the like. I had to look at myself and for the first time in my life actually look at myself my likes and dislikes, beliefs, what I wanted from life and what I didn't and ask "Why." When I looked for answers as to why for so many things I found that deep down I felt different about whatever subject it was and that the feelings I had for so many years weren't mine but somebody else's. I didn't even really relize it until recently, but that first year with Lilith that time when She tested and tried me is what has truly changed my life forever. After that first year I gave all of myself to Her in that first letter pouring my heart and soul out before Her. I became Her daughter, a Daughter of Lilith. All of this is why I decided to end with this post. I understand that there is much to be desired when it comes to information on Her, regardless of the standpoint, but this is how I believe she wants it. She wants those whom She calls to come to Her with trust, to face their fears, and it's hard to face your fears of an unknown if it is made known prior to facing it. I answered Her call, embraced the chrysalis of torment, stood in the fires of agony and emerged whole, true and strong. I proved myself worthy to be Her daughter, to have a deep personal relationship with Her, to know sides of Her reserved for Her children. The pain has set me free. So for me to diclose the inner workings of our relationship would be to rob another of the fullness of Her lessons. With that I bid farwell.
"Without pain, without change, existance is meaningless. Comfort is decay. Power is a raindrop drying in the desert heat. Agony is the doorway to ecstasy."
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