Memories

As I sat pondering what to make my next post on I felt compelled to simply share a few memories.  I remember the first time I learned who Lilith was. I was 17, I had been living in a home where being Pagan was forbidden only Christian was allowed. One day I was online researching the child's tune Pop Goes the Weasel when I learned that the word lullaby came from a phrase meaning "to keep Lilith away." I was then curious as to who this woman called Lilith was, so I began researching her. I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, I wish I could be like her, wild and free chained down by nobody." She spoke to me then, she told me that she was there and she knew that I couldn't do anything at that point and she understood, but she would wait and when the time came she would be there. I never forgot that. When I was about 19 I returned to my Pagan path, but I didn't feel that I was ready for Lilith, she really intimidated me. I began working with Hecate again, although it wasn't the same as it had been, she was much more distant, and I knew why I just didn't want to accept it. Finally I did though and Hecate left me in the capable hands of Lilith. The first thing she wanted me to work on was sex and my sexuality, to accept and explore it in a way I never had before. This one took me some time since being in such a conservative home I had suppressed myself for so long. She understood where I came from and was patient and gentle with me (well as gentle as she could be.) Along with this simultaneously I ended up working on myself esteem. During this time I remember being uncomfortable, a lot. Sometimes though being uncomfortable is good as it helps us grow. Over the time I fell more and more in love with her. Every time I even just thought of her feelings I can't even put words to welled up in me so strong it hurt and sometimes brought me to tears. Still even now this occurs. Once I "graduated" she came to me in a dream and told me that it was time for her to become more of a mother.  She is my mother, my sister, my friend and my lover.